God's Humbling Grace

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It's so easy to get comfortable and caught up in the things that go on in this world, that I myself have been very guilty of putting the LORD on the backburner. These past weeks He has humbled me more than I could last remember. He took all I had and gave me what I needed which was sufficient enough. I relied on God and I know God had the upper hand in all of which was going on. When I wanted to scream, cry, and get mad at the world because I had nowhere to turn to. I went to the LORD humbly seeking His grace. I try to think of other people; I found a new church where I live now and I feel so blessed to be in the house of the LORD, surrounded by his children who love Him the same as me.

The love and care that the LORD has showed me words cannot describe. Nights I would spend crying wondering if He really heard me, was He really there. Recently I've been trying to figure out how much do I know about Jesus, how personal is my relationship with Him and it confused me because I always talked to the LORD but I would forget who Jesus was. During these trials, Jesus has revealed Himself to me through His Word that I never would've thought. I read Isaiah 53: 4-9, this passage talks about the servant of the LORD and it talked about Jesus had to go through so that myself and the world could come back to the LORD. I broke down in tears and cried so hard because I don't deserve a love like that. I was ever more grateful when the world turns it's back on me and I feel like no one loves me or I have nowhere to turn to. Jesus told me last night and showed me that He has always been there, I just had to talk to him. I can't fathom the sacrifice Jesus gave for me and I'm almost about to tear up just thinking about it.


Whenever I think of trials, I'm always afraid because I know I did something really bad for God to punish me but if He didn't love me or the rest of you, I wouldn't be alive today. I learned a lot about God's grace. James 1: 2-4 : 2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. I don't like going through trials, they hurt and they suck but I am grateful to go through them. I have drawn closer to the LORD when I was afraid I was running farther away from Him. He knows the desires of my heart and the only thing I can do is to just Trust Him and give him full control. In all these things that I"ve been dealing with lately, school, family, friends, self-confidence,life and career. I just wanted to give up and say I don't want to go on anymore. There's a verse in Psalms that says " Be still and know that I"m the Lord." Then I realized that the LORD has the highest good for all of His children. There's another verse in the book of Psalms that says, "In God I put my trust, what can flesh do unto me?" Paying attention to that verse, I realized how futile it is to put your confidence in man because I don't know your heart or your thoughts but God lays out everything about Him in His word.

I've read Psalms 127 over and over and it's been one of my favorite passages that has given me hope that my dreams will come true one day. It's so frustrating when others have plans for you but the plans that you'd like just aren't working out the way that you want. In this, I have given my dreams over to God for they're not for evil. Right now, I don't feel important or seeing a reason to do what I"m doing. But I"ve been praying and leaving it in His hands because He knows what's best for me. Through all of this, I have learned to just turn it over Him and let it go. No thoughts, about "ooh what if i do this, what if I do that." I just stopped with all of it. I just had to shut up and let Him handle it. I have a peace now that no human being could've given me. I love people but this was the time that I needed to be with the LORD to learn about the God that loves me.

I finally realized that I have three incredibly powerful Advocates watching out for me: God the Father, God the Son and the Holy Spirit. It blows my mind that I have all three looking out for me and it's so comforting knowing this. I wish I could be a good witness to others about the humbling grace of God and the magnitude of His love. Surprisingly in this scariest of times for me, I haven't been afraid of the devil's attack because this is my time to be with the LORD. I will have more trials and I don't know when my present one will end but I hope to grow. God has given me nourishment when I didn't know when I was going to eat for the next two days and I just laid it at His feet.

I cannot tell you enough how good the LORD is, the peace. I've been putting up mental barriers and keeping all my emotions in, I know that God knows my heart and I just talked to him as though he were my friend. I told him how much I wished I could see his living face, how would I react if I were alive during the time that He came down to earth. I talked to him as I would to a good friend and told him, my desires in this life. He knows them and I leave it in His hands.

It's so hard to find peace in a cruel world. There's so much that I'd like to do, I didn't know where to begin so I just prayed for those people that my heart wished to help. I prayed for the people that I know so that they too would see His grace and the wonderful things that He can do in their life. I"ve been trying to think of any regrets that I have in my life. I have made many mistakes but they have all been for good because now I know. I am afraid to experience love because my heart was broken by the man I loved. I've been dealing with the hurt of that and trying not to hate him at the same time. I could be so angry and tell myself that I'm over it. Now I'm learning to let it go, to learn from it. There's the heartache but I don't regret it, though I tell myself that I do, I don't. It still hurts really bad as I try to put the pieces back together. I've been broken ever since this experience and my consciousness about a lot of things in my life have been very warped and I'm off balance. I am still learning many things through this experience. I am not mad at the person anymore, I wish I could have the same happiness that he presently has. I have forgiven him for the hurt and the pain. It's funny I tell people my age and they don't believe me. Right now I feel like a baby, slowly finding out the meaning to a lot of things that I didn't know. I now know the difference between when a man loves you and when he truly doesn't. I can say all this stuff but when it comes down to it, this was someone that I truly cared about and learning to accept that a part of me always will. My hope is now that I'll be able to experience the true joy of romance but be wiser this time and put God first. I guess the really good that I got out of this experience is that he helped me realized that I shouldn't settle for just any guy. The friendship and experience that was built between us is something that I can take comfort in and treasure the good memories and know that from this time forward that it gets better. In every bad, there's a lot of good.

You never see the lessons in a lot of things until months down the road. Many of the hurdles that I"ve experienced, their are very good reasons behind them. The LORD is good always and I can never forget that. The grace of the LORD is so abundant and with that He shows me that He and He only is the Sovereign Almighty God and He loves me! I'm so so blessed and many of you if you are a Christian, can take comfort in this. I offer this as encouragement to you when the dark days are heavy. Don't forget him in the good times too because everything is a blessing of the LORD no matter what it is. With that, I go about my day and do that, take it one day at a time and leave my worries at his front door. I'm trying to understand how much better does it get than this? If the joy He brings to our hearts down here is this powerful, imagine what'll be like when we're worshipping with him in Heaven. That glorious Homecoming Day, I can't wait but until then, I hope to be like the servant that Jesus was and continue to grow with Him with every new I'm alive.

For all of you going through trials, call on Him and draw near to him. There's no peace or comfort unlike it when He gives it to you and the best part is that nothing, there's nothing in existence that can take away His love and care for us, NOTHING!