I just drank the tartest kind of cranberry juice there is, wow it was tart! Okay so I"m writing this blog just to offer my own little advice. So when your ex doesn't want to give you closure, a part of you just doesn't want to take the next step. But I've gotten tired of waiting for this to happen so I got a little upset with myself and henceforth I"m finding my own closure and moving on past this experience. Maybe, I hope this can help someone.
The first thing that you have to do to get over your ex is to forgive him/her. You have to, if you don't bitterness and hate will linger in your heart and you'll bring that to the next guy. That's what you call baggage. There's a part of you that's going to fight this war of good vs. evil in regards to how you resolve this matter. I've always told myself and my friends, you are doing a huge disservice to a guy/girl who is truly head over heels for you but because you haven't resolved theses issues, you're missing out on the tremendous joy that you could be experiencing with that person. You can forgive someone although you'll probably never forget the experience, but you have to forgive that person and you'll feel better about it. They might be happy as a horse and you're as miserable as the wind blowing outside. Not only do you have to forgive the person that broke your heart but you have to forgive yourself too. Some of us jump into situations that you never expected the outcome to be what you thought. And then you tell yourself, why did I do this? I wish I didn't do that? Everything happens for a reason. Some things we are guilty of that we saw the signs but were so madly in love that you threw caution to the wind. Don't be so hard on yourself and learn to let it go. If it doesn't kill you, it really does make you stronger.
The second thing burn, destroy, rip up and get rid of everything that you have of that person, throw it out. Don't keep nothing of that person around, it'll only bring the memories back. That whole thing about writing a letter to your ex and then ripping it up, doesn't work, well for some it works for others it might not. If you can carefully burn anything that you wrote about that person that you're holding onto. Something about fire, maybe it's the idea of refining; fire has this cleansing element minus the fact that your house will smell like smoke and your eyes will burn like mad but it's all worth it. It really helps when you do this but like I said in a controlled environment and don't burn the house down please.
The third thing, everything that you ever wanted to vent to your ex and lash out at him for, don't ever tell him. I'm sure he/she can sense these feelings; the whole your ears feeling hot, yeah someone's mad at you. For those of you trying to get closure from an ex, this greatly applies here because you know very well that you still want to talk to him, see how he's doing, what is he like without you in his life. You burn a major bridge when you do this thus further hindering your chances of getting that closure you seek. This will also strengthen your character and help you to deal with other adversities if you are able to get your feelings under control about this person that has caused you a great deal of pain.
The fourth thing, it is perfectly okay to dream about that person, wish that you guys were still back together. There's nothing that you can do to control your subconscious, no one expects you to get over this person overnight. It is going to be very hard to establish a new routine without this person so don't deny to yourself that you don't care about this person. You are lying and thinking less of you because you are not realizing what prize you brought to the relationship. Find out what made this relationship so joyful for you that others before him didn't give you. Instead of thinking about all the wonderful things that you did together, think about the joy that you brought to this person, the joy that you felt. That you allowed yourself to be loved and to share that with someone else. You dedicated a significant amount of your time that you wanted to spend with this person. You had no regrets going into it with this person, don't have any when you leave.
The fifth thing, all the good stuff that you remembered about your ex, use it as a teaching tool to show you how to love again because breakups always make you turn into a hermit, either an extroverted one or an introverted one, either way you're still a hermit. I've read up on why it is that your ex appears in your dreams and it's not that you want to be with your ex, you want to experience that joy again but not with that same person. You'd have to be foolish to let the same shark bite you twice. If you think about it long enough, you'll realize who was the driving force behind the relationship. Who was the good moral one that sought to bring out the best in the other person. I don't know how guys deal with breakups but my ex found himself another girl in no time and lied straight to my face.
The sixth thing, don't ever fall for a pretty face. Ooh they are the worse, when an attractive man/woman is iffy about something pertaining to the two of you. Don't wait around and tell him "it's okay", "that's fine", I don't have a problem with that, get the hell out of there now. Those small little tolerances that you put up with from him/her. Like Keyshia Cole said in her song "Let It Go," it's not where he's at, it's where he wants to be. Sometimes you hear the news that you don't want to hear, the kind that just suckapunches you in the gut like really hard. So what do you do, just suck it up and absorb the blunt of the force. If you want the pain to go away it, it will and you gotta get annoyed with it lingering and bugging you like that. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I strongly reiterate that you forgive this person because the next time he/she looks at you, they are going to know that they missed out on a good thing. when you can look at him/her and offer an handshake, he/she know that they have no power over you.
The seventh thing, find someone to talk to about your ex even if you've told them seventy thousand times and you keep talking about it, eventually you'll get sick of hearing yourself talking about this person. As my mom always tells me, you've got to look out for you. And if he/she couldn't treat you the way that you should be treated, it was not worth it, everyone deserves equal respect, why are you wasting your time if you can't follow this simple rule. Also, if the relationship ended before you two got married, be grateful it ended now than years later down the road when yawl have kids and hear comes the nasty divorce and more pain for you to bear. When a man/woman truly loves you, they don't have to put up any pretenses, they tell you like it is and they respect you. The keyword, RESPECT.
The eight thing, if you've been heart broken really bad and no one's around to help you, you've got to dedicate time to yourself to piece you back together. You add more salt to the burn when you jump into another relationship because you've starting a downward spiral and pretty soon you become this person that you don't even know and you'll be blaming somebody else for all of your troubles. Prayer is a powerful tool, I prayed many nights and cried to God to let me get over this man. You think of the pain, the sword piercing cut that makes you feel like your heart's been bleeding for days. That pain you have to turn over to God and not let the devil catch you off guard. Hide, cry, spend time with yourself, ask those why questions, why did it happen to me? Keep praying to God and spend some time with him, I could do a lot more of that myself. Give yourself time to properly heal and your heart will tell you when you are ready for something new. You're constantly learning new things as you go so give it time.
The ninth thing, after you've done crying, get your butt out of bed and go do something. For me, I went back to writing, unfortunately I don't have any girlfriends to go out dancing to the clubs with so I went by myself. Get out, find out what's going on in the world. Find a hobby and if you can't find one, invent one and don't tell your parents about your man/woman troubles. I'm sorry but this is one of those situations where you gotta man up and handle it with God. You've got to fight this battle for you and you've got to look in the mirror and realize the person that you are and who God made you to be. I always tell my friends when they're feeling down and out. I tell them, God made one of them for a reason, there is nobody else on this planet like you, you mean to tell me that you're going to let this person stop you from realzing the amazing person that God made you to be. And when you think of it on that level and realize how beautiful and precious you are to God, you can look at your ex without hate in your heart and accept that God was not going to let you stay with someone who did not see you the way that He sees you. There is a man/woman out there who sees us this way and they're what Madea calls the long distance man, not the seasonal man. You don't want the seasonal man, there's a ton of them out there. You've got to get the long distance man, shoot I don't even know where to look for that one, but that takes patience and time.
The final thing I have to say, time heals all wounds but God heals all hearts. There's a time and place for everything because life is too damn short to let a broken heart stop you. There is so much that you have to offer to the world, don't let one broken heart stop you from experiencing that joy that so many others could be benefiting from you. And that whole thing where they say it takes half the time of the relationship to get over the person, can I slap the person who said that. It's taken me a long time to get over mine and I'm probably about 85% there I think. He pops up in my dream if i'm thinking too hard about something. I don't want him there but he shows up but his manifestations doesn't tie me to him. Listen to your subconscious on a metaphorical level, that does a really good job of helping you get over hurts too. Now I really don't know how I'd react if I saw my ex again, I really don't know but I'm here at this point where I could offer the handshake. He never gave me any closure so I'm doing it for myself and now I look forward to the day that I get to meet Nicky Hayden, if I could marry that man, words wouldn't be able to describe the feeling. That's my piece on that. later.
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