~9/10/09~
I needed to get my tooth removed. Immediately what came to my mind was the image of a giant three and half inch long needle trying to find its way down to my gums. I had tried so hard not to think about this during the days leading up to the surgery. I hadn't been resting in God at all, I was distracting myself with all other things except running to my Daddy and finding my comfort there. i can't blame the meds for throwing me off balance but having a painful toothache and not being able to talk so well, didn't make things go smoother either. I realized that I've been having a really bad attitude about my life and work because everything still felt the same. I was growing in my walk but the other messes in my life still seemed to remain and that was really starting to drag me down. I guess I didn't want to listen to God or I didn't really know to. The night before at College Group there was a song which I don't remember the lyrics but all I remember is that it mentioned something about letting the tears come. I needed to cry, I don't like crying, I'm not a crier but I needed to. I'd been holding on to my pride and not finding my rest in the Lord.
That morning before the surgery, I wanted to spend some time in the Word just to hear God comfort me. He spoke to me in a different way afterwards but He really wanted to hear from me. As I began to pray the tears began to flow and I confessed my sins before him. It was such a nice relief to cry before him, I knew His presence was with me because nothing else mattered only me pouring my heart out to him.
On the train ride I didn't realize that I'd make it to San Francisco so early so I went to hang out at work. Yep my co-workers are cool like that, that I can go bug them on my days off and it's still cool. A blessing I find that i do take for granted. The time just ended up flying by so fast and before you know it I was the one racing back to go meet my friend and sister in Christ, Rebekah. It was so cool walking with her and listening as she spoke about the Lord. Nothing else mattered in that moment but being thankful for my friend being there and I too wanted to be there for her and share in the joy that she's experiencing in the Lord. It is always the neatest and completely blows me away and I praise God for this. When I am around my brothers and sisters in Christ, there's a safety, security and peace that resides that I can't describe to you, it's just there and makes it so easy to move about loving one another in Christ. You know I really do underestimate this Holy Spirit person, He's really awesome too.
I got into the doctor's office, I got scared. The nerves were building; and you know what I realized on the drive home. You ever notice how small doctor's offices are especially the dentist's? I realized that too was also contributing to my nervousness. The dental surgeon was a very friendly man. Mind you none of this had anything to do with me, this is where the Lord answered my prayers and once again, moved in ways I never saw it coming and blew me away. The surgeon told me it was a good thing to be afraid and that began to tear down one of my defenses. Deep down I believe the Spirit told me that I could trust this man. I started bawling like a baby after he left the room because I'm expecting him to come back with that giant needle I keep picturing in my mind. I kid you not, he said he was going to put me to sleep. I didn't believe him I thought he was just making a joke. One I couldn't afford it and I didn't know what general sedation was. The nurse secretary lady came in and told me that he was going to put me to sleep, like the one where you're knocked out for a while. I told her that I couldn't afford it and I'd just do the local anesthesia thing. Five minutes later the secretary returns and she says the doctor's not going to charge you. I was in utter shock and disbelief, he wasn't going to charge me for it. The Lord just took $550 off my medical bill, he did that for me. I was so amazed, from that point on I didn't feel so scared about the surgery.
Rebekah had prayed with me before I went in and that helped a lot. Once I was led into surgery, I gotta tell you, these guys took way better care of me than when I was having my ankle surgery. The person in charge of the IV was so kind and so funny and praise the Lord I didn't look at the needle. They spray this cold spray on the vein area, oh it was cold. He was right, if you sprayed enough of it it would hurt because it was so cold. I just felt a little prick and the needle was in. Now taking that hospital tape off hurt more afterwards than the needle going in, those tape things sting. The whole staff just went to work. I can compare it to being like a nascar racecar going into pit lane and the entire pit crew is waiting for you and once you're in. They just immediately seek to your immediate care. How humbling that was to me seeing that staff's willingness to serve. Oh you betcha I was learning about being a servant at work. It is true, sometimes you really just don't know who is watching you and who you will have an impact on or who will have an impact on you. Once the surgeon came in, He administered the IV, dude not even like two seconds the only thing I remember is hearing heart monitors, they had me on heart monitors and then I felt that oxygen thing because they put one up my nose. I was like this is interesting but this is cool. I wasn't afraid anymore. When the anethesia kicked in, all I was one purple tie dye, two red dye prints and I was out.
I woke up and I was like "wha, wha, where am I?" I couldn't move my body but I could hear all the outside conversation. Your brain really doesn't sleep I tell you, I wanted to be a part of the conversation. I was kinda like ah did anyone forget about me. I don't even remember half the stuff I said to the staff after surgery but apparantly my brain still functioned perfectly. I don't even know what time the surgery ended but I fell asleep til three. It did not help matters that I wanted a fat cheeseburger and then told that I could only eat soft foods.
It still hasn't hit me yet the impact of this surgery. I'm so grateful to the Lord that He would remembered something like this. Of course He would, I just didn't want to. I knew how serious it was when it reentered so fast back into my life so unexpectantly. This experience has been so amazing just watching the Lord being in full control and showing me His love. I was his little girl yesterday and He took such good care of me, my mind cannot fathom the love that He has shown me through all of this. This is so cool now that I can go to the dentist and just get regular check ups now and not have this fear in the back of my mind. Whew my breath won't be kicking anymore and my lifespan won't get cut short because that's what could've happened had this thing not been treated. I could've wound up with oral cancer which you can die from by the way. I'd say this kind of cancer is even scarier than ovarian cancer because blood vessels are right underneath your teeth so if an infection were to get into your bloodstream, it would be life threatening. I can feel happier now about having kids in the future lol.
It feels weird right now the right side of my mouth, it's still swollen and the medication is making me have some really interesting dreams, some were a little scary but all in all I've been so blessed with this whole experience and seeing the Lord move so fast, my jaw just drops at His quickness. To see Him be there for me, the work He did in the hearts of everyone. He was super super Sovereign and so in control. I saw my Daddy being in total Sovereign control and it is way more cooler than anything I could've ever imagined. I will be reflecting on this for a long time to come. I'm still in awe of all He does. Wow, wow and a bigger WOW!
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